The Shadow-gloom and Weight of the Sacred

Credit: .pst
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I used to be a very disciplined person. When I was young, I always kept my room clean and orderly. This would be true of my dorm rooms and apartments during college, as well. When I got my first job bagging groceries the summer before my freshman year of college, I always saved more than I spent. I have rarely had issues sticking to a budget. I worked out and stayed in shape. I enjoyed jogging.

In recent years, I've been anything but disciplined. I'm a little embarressed by that because, even though I haven't been all that disciplined, it is something that I really appreciate and enjoy. When you're disciplined, you just have more time to do things you want to do. But, I've had entire months where I didn't even bother to make my bed. I hate walking through the bedroom with the bed all askew, but I've lacked the motivation or desire to make it.

In the last year, I think I've developed a bit of coping mechanism of overspending in order to address reverse culture stress. Consider this, in less than a year, I've purchased two keyboards for my iPad. Both were expensive, and normally I wouldn't be tempted to buy something that I don't need, but I sit here today a man with two iPad keyboards. It's kind of like having two toasters. (Stanley, knows what I'm talking about.) I've also been eating way too many sweets. I've always been skinny, so even though I've picked up a substantial amount of weight in that last year, my physique hides it well. My real weaknesses are Reese's Peanute Butter Cups and Reese's Pieces. Man, I can put away Reese's Pieces like E.T. But, I've never eaten a lot of sweets in my life. It's never really been a problem for me until recently.

I've been trying to reclaim this sense of discipline I had as a younger man. I just don't like the feeling of life when I'm undisciplined. I have made some improvement in this area. I'm keeping the house pretty well cleaned and tidy. I'm making the beds and haven't purchased anything frivolous. (OK, I did buy the Penultimate app, but it was only $2 so I don't feel guilty abou that in the least bit, even though I'll probably never really use it.) I hope to start working out before too long, as well. I'm enjoying myself much more after having initiated this shift in lifestyle and hope that it continues.

As riveting as this all is, rest assured that I will keep you all updated.