The Shadow-gloom and Weight of the Sacred

In the past, I can't really remember how I felt about adoptive parents and their children. I can't remember thinking anything out of the ordinary about it. I can't remember thinking that, when I discovered someone adopted or was adopted, that I needed to make comment on the situation. Yet, I find myself in frequent odd, uncomfortable conversations with people when they realize we've adopted our daughter. (Since our daughter is a different race, you'd think it obvious, but there is a shockingly signifcant portion of the population who must be told, but I find that more entertaining than uncomfortable.)

Everyone with whom I speak always means well, so I don't really take the things they say personally, but it can still be irksome. I suppose the thing that gets under my skin the most is when a person tells me, "She'll never know how lucky she is." I don't really know how to respond to that. For one thing, we didn't adopt because we were trying to do someone a favor. If anything, we feel like we'll never know how lucky we are! Not once has anyone ever commented on how fortunate we are to have such beautiful, wonderful little girl.

On another note, we might end up being terrible parents. I hope that's not the case, and I don't think it will be the case, but if I end up being a terrible father, is she really "lucky?" Even if the Queen Bee had lived her entire childhood in the orphange, she would have been cared for and loved and prepared for life as an adult. Her situation wasn't ideal, certainly not a preferred sitaution, but it wasn't hopeless. I do hope that she is better off as a member of our family because I know we're better off with her as our daughter. I think, maybe, it's the perochialism behind the "she's so lucky" comments that bother me. She may have not been in the States, but most people aren't in the States. She may have not lived like most Americans, but most people don't. I think we're pretty good parents (I know, all parents do!), but how bad would we have to be before someone said, "She is so unlucky!"

Is a child who is placed in a family with greater wealth than what we have more lucky?

Like I said, I know people mean well, but it's a weird situation for me. I don't know what to say. I guess I'd prefer for people to recognize how luck I am to have her, if they have to say something. Or, I'd prefer that they just be happy for us and that pray that our relationships will be a blessing to each other.