The Shadow-gloom and Weight of the Sacred

Yesterday morning was stressful. It was our first Easter back in the States. It was our first Easter with the Queen Bee. It was stressful getting everyone ready. It was stressful not having our own home. It was stressful when the dog pooped on the dining room floor (again, not our home).

It felt like Sunday mornings from when I was a kid. I hated Sunday mornings because everyone seemed angry and rushed. Everyone was always in a bad mood by the time we got to church and, of course, church never did anything to improve the situation--at least not for me.

It's fun to dress nice. I wore a new suit, which my mom bought for me, for the first time. I looked smashing, by the way. Gretchen and the Queen Bee both had new outfits that they wore for the first time, too. We were a good looking group to say the least. But it was stressful getting to that point. As much as I like to dress up, I prefer to wear jeans and a shirt to church. Someday I'll probably get the guts to go ahead and just wear a T-shirt, but for now, I try to wear a nicer shirt on Sunday mornings. There's too much pomp and circumstance to it though. I don't want that anymore. I want my Sunday morning to be peaceful. I don't want to have to worry about what I'm wearing. I don't want to have to wear clothes in order to meet a dress code. I want to wake up and put on jeans and a T-shirt--not think about my clothes--and think about other things.

While in Vienna, I used to get really stressed out about Sunday worship. It was rarely enjoyable for me. Starting on Saturday night my stomach would start to ache from the acid and it wouldn't stop until some time Sunday afternoon or evening, after I was done with church. I hated that feeling of dread that I began to associate with Sunday in Vienna. I called it Sunday Stomach. I haven't had it since we left, but this morning I came awfully close. Why do we do the things that make us miserable?

I don't know, but my goal here on out is to do things that avoid stress on Sunday. Fortunately, the once we got in the car and on our way, everything was OK. But, I don't want that feeling of stress again. I hate it.